What fashion laws should all men follow?

What fashion laws should all men follow?,What fashion laws should men not follow?,What to wear for men?,What not to wear?,

Rule 1: Never ask Joshua Engel for fashion advice.

  • Rule 2: Seriously, read rule #1 again. The rest of this answer only exists because A2Aing Joshua Engel is like taunting the dynamite monkey.

 

  • Be grateful that you are male. Women’s clothing is harder to fit, changes more often, is more fragile, often uncomfortable to the point of painful, cold, has more variables (of which most women fall outside designer’s intentions on at least one), is more expensive, generally ill-suited to the weather, and overall just a massive, massive hassle.
  • The flip side to not having to not having a million things to wear is that you don’t get to express yourself via your clothing. If you want to express yourself, get a damn tumblr. Get a charcoal-gray suit and wear whatever ties have been given to you by girlfriends/wives/mothers. These will not include anything that lights up.

    Do not wear a tie from thinkgeek.com.

 

  • Make friends with a woman who reads fashion magazines. You don’t have to be up to the minute, or even up to the season, but your stuff gradually wears out and you might as well have somebody point out that pleated pants are in, or out, or whatever the hell they are. (You might even be able to get a male person to fill this role, but it’s not me or any of my friends.)

 

  • Two objects of similar, but not identical, colors, look bad. Unless they were designed to fit together like Garanimals, pick two different colors.

 

  • Corollary: even two black things aren’t going to look good together if they’re different shades of black. Yes, black comes in shades. Just throwing on all black is actually less safe than matching black to something else.

 

  • Something, something, mumble, something else brings out the color of your eyes. They keep telling me this, and I keep forgetting it.  All I know is that I’m not allowed to wear blue shirts any more.

 

  • Black men apparently look really good in lavender shirts. So the television tells me. I assume that this is related to the way red-haired women are supposed to look good in green, presumably on the grounds that red and green are complementary colors, even though RED HAIRED WOMEN DO NOT ACTUALLY HAVE RED HAIR. It doesn’t matter. You’re not trying to impress a physicist. Just wear it.

 

If at all possible, be Omar Epps

 

  • Do not ever wear any object described as a “male” version of a female thing. No mankini. No man-bag. No guyliner. Sure as hell not a “bro”.  If you’re gonna wear a kilt, you’d better be going commando and have what it takes to back it up.

 

A utility knife is not a sgian-dubh.

 

  • If a shirt can be tucked in, then it should be tucked in. If it can’t be tucked in, then don’t try. I think Eunji Choi told me this. It was some female person on Quora, and that’s better than anything I’ve got to offer. Remember Rule #1.
  • I’ve been trying to eliminate shirts with writing on them from my wardrobe. This means that I run out of shirts a lot. You should buy some nice shirts. And while you’re out, get me some, too. 17″ neck, 35″ sleeve.